A few weeks after he died, Daiane was born, it
was his last child.
As my father passed away, my uncle become our
legal guardian, he was very good to us, he worked in another city and sometimes
would only come home on weekends, he used to bring us gifts and if we did well
at school he would give us whatever we ask for in Christmas.
I was hoping to go to University and study
psychology, my Uncle had a degree on that plus I liked talking to people and
listening to their problems, but the truth was I had a mask on, as I just bottled
everything inside since my father death I just tried to carry on but I felt
like a piece of me was taken.
As any young boy I become very interested in
sex, as other boys used to talk about their experiences, back then there was
very limited access to internet, so we used to get magazines with pictures of
naked women and go to rental video store and try to rent porn movies, that lead
me to experiment many things in search for sex, things that I regret deeply.
One day a friend (Adriano) challenged me to
approach a certain girl in the neighbourhood, I think I was 14 and she was 12,
but my mentality was older as I had to mature to help my siblings and my
grandmother. I hated girls who would behave childishly but he told me: "she likes you", I said no way I would date this girl. As he kept on
insisting and told me she liked me, I approached her and kissed her, she was
surprised by my courage and said she would date me but I had to speak to her
mother first.
I spoke to her mother, she knew we were both
too young, her daughter was given her trouble at the time, but she allowed us
to date, it had to be at the gate of the house because her mother was the owner
of the house and she did not have a good relationship with the mother.
You can probably see what I got myself into,
from that day, my life began to change even more, not for the better but for
worse.
My girlfriend was not living with her father,
she was brought up by her mother, sometimes she would travel to see her father
in the capital.
Her family was in a mess, I remember once her
grandmother told her mother: ‘Your daughter will do to you as you are doing to
me’, and so it was, there were constant fight in her house, she had just split
up with another boy before I come along and it took a long time for us to get
going.
We lived so close that from my yard I could see
her bedroom, I would go every day to her house. I remember we would seat
outside by the gate and all we would do was to talk about problems for hours
and hours, she would be telling me how miserable her life was, I was more like a
friend than a boyfriend, there were days she would say she did not even know if
she really loved me etc…
That was when I began to feel very down, but I would hide my emotions very well. I started writing my own diary where I
would write depressing poems and my daily activities, I remembered that I could
not sleep at night so I used to listen to late night love songs till I would
fall asleep.
In search for happiness I started going to
night clubs more often, as my father had a reputation I could get into night
clubs even though I was underage.
I started my own band where me, my brother and
a few friends named ourselves Forrogode Junior Samba Group, we had a show in the
local Catholic church party for the community, and all the girls went crazy.
Soon me and my girlfriend begun to argue almost
every day as people would be saying to her, that I was not the right guy for
her as I would go out every weekend and she could not, they would tell her
stories about the things I was supposedly doing.
My friend Adriano which linked me with her was
also her cousin in some degree, he was telling her things behind my back as
well.
Me and Adriano were good friends and we would
go out a lot together, he had his girl and I had mine, but when were out we
would challenge each other to see who could date more girls, the only one we would never get involved with was each others girlfriends, that was when I forgot what I had vowed
to myself.
Sometimes girls would come to the neighbourhood looking for me and
my girlfriend would be just there and I would still find a way to go out with
the other girl, I was becoming a womanizer just like my dad.
A new rhythm was being introduced in the clubs
and instead of Samba I got hooked to the new Brazilian Funk which is a kind of
Rap but with very heavy beats and violent lyrics.
There was a gang in the area with the older
guys and we decided to start our own Ataufo’s Command at the time a bunch of
youths trying to be bad boys based on the music and what we would learn with
the older guys.
I used to fight Capoeira (Brazilian Dance and
Martial Arts) so I started to get into fights, although I used to avoid it as I
was never a violent person, the songs, the gang and the bitterness of my
fathers death was changing me.
I started to get into fights just to show off
to the other guys, I remember once in the club we began to shout our war cry,
and I took a innocent guy and hit him with a karate kick just for a show.
By then I started drinking alcohol, and using (Cheiro
da Loló) a prohibited substance that we used to smell during the club to get
high.
We joined a few guys from a nearby gang and we
went to take over another area, as we went over with a huge group, we used
fireworks to scare the guys, so they would think we were shooting at them, but
to our surprise the drug dealer’s of the area got involved and begun to shoot
for real against us. As we began to run the police was called and they started
chasing after us, me, Adriano and Jeferson my brother were involved, I remember we run through the cemetery
as the police and the rival gang was chasing and shooting at us…
To be continued...
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If you missed Part 3 click bellow.
